Deconstructing the Gendered Parenting Manual through the Medium of Cinema

By Ramsha Aveen

Society consists of individuals and the social interactions that occur between them. In our society every social agent has acquired a certain kind of social role which an individual needs to perform and it comes with the fulfilment of certain duties and responsibilities. In our day-to-day life as social agents, we perform many roles, but the most paramount role is that of a mother. Society ascribes different and specific roles to both men and women. According to sociological understanding, the roles that best define men and women start taking place at the initial process of socialisation in the family. This is known as gender socialisation: society consists of different gendered roles that define which behaviour, attributes and traits can be counted as being masculine and feminine. If one adopts a gendered lens to see the world around, one can notice traits like strength, aggression, being disciplined, practical, logical, tough, etc. are reserved for men. On the other hand, characteristics like warmth and nurture, expressiveness, emotion, altruism, etc. are reserved for the female gender. This is the society’s traditional instrumental-expressive gender role model which perpetuates in every kind of society. As mentioned earlier, this gender socialisation takes place in the initial stages of childhood, where a child learns how to function in a given society and culture. This instrumental-expressive model of gender stereotypes also takes place in the parenting process. A child expects responses from their parents by this very same model and simultaneously it also projects the process of parenting as being gendered, i.e., Gendered Parenting. The manual of motherhood and fatherhood is already predefined by the society and the society expects everyone to fit into these roles, behaviour, attributes, etc. as prescribed by the gendered parenting manual. Parenting is a very crucial life transition, if one goes by the traditional understanding of parenting; a family is transformed from a dyad to a triad in the words of sociologist George Simmel. Parenting comes with a wide range of duties, responsibilities, and challenges for both parents. For a woman, motherhood is seen as something which completes her existence. It is a kind of identity and status for a woman which is accorded the highest place in the society. We all know how ‘barren’ women and wives are treated in a patriarchal society. They are ridiculed, mocked at, treated as bad omen, and are ostracised by the community and the society. Therefore, the status of the mother is the highest of all. Motherhood is always identified with women with vagina and simultaneously the traits and attributes like warmth and nurture, expressiveness, emotion, sensitiveness, generosity, being of altruistic nature, soothing when dealing with pain and hurt feelings are reserved for the motherhood manual. The fatherhood manual falls at the opposite side of the motherhood scripts.

Cinema has been a popular and a powerful vehicle for leisure, education, culture, and propaganda within the society. The influence and reach of cinema are far greater than any other medium like books, newspapers, etc. The cinema is a unique form of art created with specific narrative and representational aspects, as films have the power to exercise influence over the individuals. However, the influence can be both positive and negative. Films are not only the source of entertainment, but they create a debate, a conversation and a thoughtful atmosphere in the society. Therefore, one can say that cinema has the power to create, recreate and dismantle existing meanings in society. The contemporary commercial mainstream cinema in recent times, have deconstructed these motherhood and fatherhood manuals and have redefined these roles in order to give a realistic account of the picture. Mothers and fathers are relational roles, meaning one is defined in relation to the other. As a result, here I am going to talk about some films that redefine the role of the mother by giving an alternative fatherhood manual in opposition to the traditional fatherhood manual which is prescribed by the patriarchal society. This methodology will serve two purposes. Firstly, it will “deconstruct” traits which are reserved for women, for example expressiveness, emotion, etc., thereby reflecting the notion that motherhood is not related to one’s biological sex. The “prescribed” attributes of a mother can be found in any person regardless of gender or sex. Secondly, building upon the first argument, this methodology will offer a more humane projection of fathers, thereby debunking the stereotypical image of gendered parenting.

The first film which represented an alternative fatherhood manual, or one can say, a manual for feminist fathers is Gunjan Saxena: The Kargil Girl (2020), where the protagonist’s father is played by Pankaj Tripathi. The film narrates the story of a young woman and her dream to become a pilot. Her whole family is against her dreams as women’s “real” place is supposed to be in the kitchen and the air force is not the “right” place for women. It is her father, a staunch believer in gender equality, who encourages her to chase her dream. He himself trains her in order to get admission in the air force academy. In the movie, Pankaj Tripathi plays the role of a strong supportive father who at the same time is emotional, and does not have a discriminatory mindset when it comes to chasing one’s dreams and aspirations. The film very aptly inverts the patriarchal ideology that does not encourage a girl child’s dreams, especially when it comes to a male dominated profession like air force. The film has tries to debunk the notion of gendered parenting by projecting those characteristics that are predominately ascribed to the motherhood scripts by bringing it into the domain of parenting by fathers. Therefore, representing the view that the characteristics of motherhood are not tied to one’s sexual identity and at the same time bringing the discourse of feminist fathers into mainstream cinema.

Another film, Bareilly ki Barfi (2017) also projects the same ideology of gender equality. Here again, the woman protagonist’s father is played by Pankaj Tripathi. He is a strong emotional figure in the life of his daughter, his best friend, who smokes with her, while discussing her problems. He teaches her that she does not need to apologize to anyone for her choices whether in professional matters or personal matters like marriage. He allows her to exercise her agency to the utmost. When a girl is young, her mother becomes her best confidante with whom she can discuss any matter without the fear of being judged. The traits of being emotional and supportive are reserved for women and mothers, when it comes to parenting. In the film, one sees that these above-mentioned traits are exhibited by the father (Pankaj Tripathi) by deconstructing the traditional instrumental-expressive gender parenting model.

The next film which can be discussed in this regard is Thappad (2020), a film that deals with the idea of domestic violence. The couple live happily until one fine day when the wife gets slapped by her spouse in front of everyone at a party. The slap is a realisation for the wife (played by Taapsee Pannu) of all the unfair things she has been compromising on for a long time. The husband refuses to take responsibility for his actions, stating that such things are “normal” in life. The wife’s decision to file for a divorce is opposed by everyone in the family, except for her father (played by actor Kumud Mishra). There are many small instances which reflect the supportive nature of the father. He encourages his daughter to pursue her dream of being a dancer even after marriage. When everyone is against the divorce, her father is the only strong pillar who supports her throughout this very difficult journey, especially because she has conceived. The father even schools his own son when his son is found misbehaving with his girlfriend. One can say that the father is a staunch believer in gender equality. He does not believe that in order to maintain a happy household, the wife needs to adjust and compromise even at the expense of her respect and dignity. The film also tries to address the problem of treating divorce as a taboo in a patriarchal society like India. Thappad turns the instrumental-expressive gender role upside down. The film explores how fathers are not always the supporters of the patriarchal mindset; instead, women and mothers may uphold patriarchy. As we see in this case, her mother is against the divorce and separation. Therefore, the characteristics which are mostly reserved for the motherhood manual are projected by the father. Thus, the film makes it clear that qualities and traits have nothing to do with one’s biological sex one is born into.

One more film can be discussed in this regard which is titled as Chandigarh Kare Aashiqui (2021), although the film deals with the theme of LGBTQA+. The film is about a woman and her identify of being a trans woman and the subsequent struggles that comes up with it. The film is applauded for bringing up the issues of LGBTQA+ community. But the film also projects a feminist father. The female protagonist who is a trans woman is solely supported by her father when she decides to go for a sex reassignment surgery. She shares a very close, warm and nurturing relationship with her father – the traits which are mostly assigned to the female sex. This debunks the model of gendered parenting.

The whole point of discussing these films is to provide an alternative perspective to the gender role model of the patriarchal society. If one observes minutely, one can find that we are “doing gender” everywhere. Since a long time, the society has provided this gendered model of parenting with predefined respective manuals for both the parents. By doing so, it has labelled the traits, attributes, and characteristics as being feminine and masculine. Traits like being instrumental, emotional, supportive, warm, nurturing, emotionally intelligent, logical, and strength have nothing to do with one’s gender identity. Society has an incurable urge to define everything in terms of labels and binary opposition of being male and female.  This is not only harmful for the two dominant sexes but for the individuals who belong to the LGBTQA+ community. Cinema is a medium that creates discourses around such sensitive topics. By creating a discourse of feminist fathers, the films not only offer an alternative fatherhood manual in opposition to the patriarchal fatherhood scripts but also have debunked the myth that motherhood is only tied to women with a vagina. The traits which are supposedly treated as the hegemony of the female sex can be found in individuals who are not a mother.

We are living in a postmodern world, a world full of alternative and multiple realities. Therefore, it’s high time to deconstruct these manuals of gendered parenting to discover the porous meanings and identities. Uniformity and universality have ceased to be the dominant norms which govern the social world. It’s paramount that as an evolving society we need to appreciate and acknowledge the flexibility and diversity in the parenting manual. We need to dismantle the urge of assigning labels to attributes, traits, and characteristics. Traits are universal for humankind and not particular to any one gender. A man can be emotional, caring, soothing and nurturing too for his children as we have seen in the above-mentioned categories of films. On the other hand, a woman can be highly instrumental and exhibit the traits of being aggressive, etc. (the dominant traits of a man) or even of a patriarchal mindset.  Therefore, we need to celebrate and acknowledge the diversity in the parenting manual to overthrow the traditional instrumental-expressive gender role model of the patriarchal society.

Bio:
Ramsha Aveen is a Ph.D. scholar of Sociology at Jamia Millia Islamia.

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